When they are good they are very, very good but when they are bad they make you want to kill yourself!

So, I've abandoned you guys for quite a while recently but I've been caught up with work and stuff. It's been pretty busy and I've been doing extra training for Assignor, plus I had my first Lasses. I've also had my worst night since I got here as well as a couple of moments when I've been deliriously happy! What this is doing to my blood pressure is anyones guess.

Assigner training has been rather difficult. My trainer, Nathan has been training me at the same time as another trainee (Gary). It really hasn't been working out so well as you have to take it in turns so instead of three days of solid training, I've had a day and a half while Gary's had the other day and a half. I was meant to finish with assignor training today but I've told management that I don't feel ready to fly solo. I'm training on it again after my day off.

I had my first Lasses yesterday. Lasses is UK Lasses and its all the girls from the UK pavillion. They get together once a week (on Monday nights) and (from what I can tell) get drunk. I had to be initiated so they mixed up something called a "Death Drink". My God, it was potent! It was basically all the alcohol they had in one drink! Plus, they make you down it (the drink is a pint). Next was a drinking game involving a huge bottle of wine. You just had to down it as fast as possible. I was in a team of five and once that game was done, I was hammered! I sensibly decided to go home but had to stop and ask directions about four times. I don't know how I escaped being hungover this morning.

A couple of days ago, I had a "magic moment" with a guest. We do a regular "Magic Moment" in the Rose and Crown where we choose a child to "start" the fireworks. We give them a magic wand which they wave at the right moment and Illuminations begins! We then have them "direct" the fireworks by pointing the wand at the right moment. The kids honestly believe they are directing the show! I chose a little girl called Lucy and took her down to the waterfront. She loved it! Her face was so lovely to see and I think I saw tears in the eyes of the adults around her. At the end of the evening, Lucy hugged me and I went home feeling like I was covered in pixie dust! It was an incredible feeling!

Yesterday was Colin's birthday and he was at work. I was seating a couple of times in between assigner training and when I seated a couple of women in his section, I let them know it was his birthday. Later, as I was walking past, the family called out to me. They wanted to do something for Colin. I went to Marcel, our manager but he was no help so I went to William, the chef. He arranged a "best wishes"slice of cake which I snuck out to the guests. Then I got together a few servers, plus Colin and we went out to the table where we sang Happy Birthday to Colin and presented the cake. He was so happy he was near tears! I nicknamed the two women "the Lovely Family" for the rest of the night.

Today seemed to be in direct contrast to the last few days though. It has been a terrible day!!!! Absolutely awful!!! The restaurant has been really busy with huge parties of people. I haven't been able to take walk ins all day. A guest came up to the podium where I was greeting and demanded to know why he wasn't being seated instantly as he "made his reservations months ago". He came back throughout the night to complain. He wanted to sit inside, then he wanted to sit outside, then the restaurant was too crowded...the list went on and on. At one point, he came up and screamed, "this is fucking ridiculous, it's a fucking joke. It's nuts." He had a proper go at me and to make it even worse, he added halfway through "I'm sorry, I know this isn't your fault but...." and continued to swear at me. All I could do was stand there apologising and to be honest I don't know what I was apologising for. If you know it's not my fault, why the hell are you yelling at me!?!? I had a completely blank face and I just kept on apologising.

Later on, another guest had a go because they had a reservation but hadn't checked in to say they'd arrived. They'd been waiting for ages, apparantly.

Marcel sent me to Chippie in the evening to restock the condiment cart. I started it but got called back to podium. Then Marcel rang to demand why I hadn't finished in Chippie! By this point, I'd had enough. I went out the back of chippie and just cried my eyes out. Nothing I did seem to be right today. Not once did anyone even notice the million things I did RIGHT, no, it was all about what was wrong. I seriously questionned what the hell I'm doing out here. To my horror, Ashley came out of chippie and caught me crying. Damn! I like to keep up a "tough guy" expression to other people, I fall apart when I'm on my own and no longer have to hold that mask in place. I quickly dried my eyes and got back to work.

After work, we had a "meeting". Read that as "bollicking". They called the podium team into the office and basically told us we're crap and we had complaints and its all our fault. I was ready to grab a steak knife and slit my wrists. I was so quiet in that meeting. At the end they asked for suggestions and I felt the depression lift to be replaced by a spark of anger. I told them I was fed up with no one noticing the 100 good things we do everyday. I said I was fed up with it always being negative, with no one even saying thank you. I think I got my point across.

At the end of the meeting, a server told me a guest wanted to see me in the bar. I sighed heavily, prepared myself for a complaint and went down. To my delight, it was little Lucy, back again for another photo and a hug. Smiling, laughing and talking with her helped alot but once she'd gone, I quietly got my bag, closed my locker and left.

It's our one month anniversary today for my arrival group and I'd planned a party. The "bollicking" went on for an hour so I was late home and everyone was ready to leave. I came through the door, grabbed a pillow and screamed into it. Let me tell you, it does nothing to muffle the sound. I came out of the bedroom with my "mask" on, like nothing was wrong and while everyone had heard the scream, I was so convincing, they thought it had been someone outside. I'd made a video for my group and we all watched it together. We were laughing out loud at some of it and it really helped my mood. I guess everyone has off days. It's just so strange to think little Lucy and the Lovely Family have anything in common with "Swearing Arsehole" and "Mindreader Man". They are all guests but I know which ones I prefer!

I've got tomorrow off so I plan to forget about work for a while. It was a "Jonah Day" in the words of Anne of Green Gables but as she said, "tomorrow is another day with no mistakes in it".